I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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