I hate all girls vehemently.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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