there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
