We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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