Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
