I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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