My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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