So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
