what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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