dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
