I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
