The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
