He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
