Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
