google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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