My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Text me some of your sweat
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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