the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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