White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
