IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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