we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
