you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
