You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
