Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
