Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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