i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
