Ambien. No doubt about it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
