Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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