we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize