I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
