How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
