Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
