i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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