then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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