dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
