Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
