I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
