I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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