Too much gin, very little bucket
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
