he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
