Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize