Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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