im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
