I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
