Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
