Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
