I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
