Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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