i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
