I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
love makes seman taste better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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