well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
