I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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