Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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