i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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