Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
