is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she told me i tasted like america
this will be a night to untag.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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