The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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