new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am available for nakedness
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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