am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
