You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
