Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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