I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
