You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
