it was like eating out sand paper
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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