Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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