i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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