Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
