i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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