I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
